Mass in Spanish

I took three years of spanish in high school (well technically two - year one was in middle school), and I remember approximately 0.17503% of it. A little came floating back to me when I went to El Salvador for a week sophomore year of college, but it didn't last much longer than that. (Though I did think a girl said "I cheese you" instead of "I love you." Whatever "queso" & "quiero" sound the same.)

My mom, sister, and I were in Mexico on a Sunday, which meant venturing into town for Mass. I was really excited about this. I wanted to see where the people of Puerto Morales worshiped and how they engaged in the Mass. I was looking forward to what I love the most about the Catholic Church - the universality of it. No matter the language, the Mass is the same. Jesus is always present. 

They were kind enough to have the first and second readings in Spanish and English (which my sister and I somehow got roped into reading - worst), but that was it.

As the Mass continued, I tried to focus on the externals and the fact that even though I couldn't understand what they were saying, I knew that Jesus was truly present in that place, so it didn't matter that I didn't really know what they were saying.

In the middle of the Eucharistic Prayer I noticed that whenever the priest or congregation addressed Jesus in prayer, they used the word "tú" for you. A tiny amount of Spanish came floating back to me. Tú is the pronoun you use when you are talking to someone informally, like a friend or an equal. Usted is the pronoun you use when you are speaking to someone in a position of authority, someone you respect, or someone you don't know well.

When you pray in Spanish, you don't address Jesus as a formal, far off figure, you address him as a friend. How beautiful. 

In the midst of Holy Week, I am grateful for simple reminder that Jesus is my friend, someone who chooses to come down to my level, so I can speak to Him freely and without reserve.

MARCH In Review: How I failed a lot

This month, I wanted to focus on my relationship with Jesus. So I set all of my goals around this feat. 

1. Committing to my holy half hour. Like getting there right at 10:30 and not leaving until 11:00.

• I actually did this! But prayer was still hard. However, I'm trying to remember that half of the battle is showing up. So it's a start.

2. Making 3 additional visits to the Blessed Sacrament each week. 

• Fail.

3. Making it to daily Mass 4/5 days of the week. I mean, we have a chapel with daily Mass in our office. I have no reason not to go as often as my work schedule allows it!

• Fail. I went to Mass, but not 4/5 times per week. I'm still working on getting out of the habit of working through Mass. 

4. Getting in the habit of practicing the presence of God.

• Semi-success. I love this practice, but it hard to do. I'm definitely working on making it a habit and I practice Jesus' presence whenever I remember. So...I'm working on it.

I didn't really want to write this post because I did not do well with my goals or doing my part in growing my relationship with Jesus. I honestly slacked off this month. Which is dumb for a lot of reasons. But I want to be honest and practice vulnerability because I think that is something we all could be a little better at. 

Sometimes, I read other people's blogs and get discouraged because they are so holy/funny/creative/perfect. And I realize that these people aren't really perfect and aren't even really trying to portray themselves as perfect, but it's a way the devil can attack me. So I want to be honest with you and let you know that in no way, shape, or form am I perfect or really, really holy. This month, I sucked at praying and being Catholic. And while maybe it's not okay or ideal, I am in a place where I am aware of my shortcomings and can turn to Christ for his mercy and help to move forward. I think that is a good place to start moving forward.

So by the grace of God, I plan to pick myself up and recommit to my prayer life. Jesus, give me the grace to respond to your love in my life.

welcome to lent 2014.

Lent has 3 parts: prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. Here's how I'm implementing them into my life for the next 40 days.

Fasting. 

I put this one first because the other two will flow from this fast.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.
image via.

So, I really love TV. There are approximately 12 shows that come out on a weekly basis that I watch, plus series on Netflix and Hulu Plus that I watch. Gosh, that's awful when I break it down like that.

My fast has to do with consuming media that is positive and consuming it in moderation. For the sake of lent, I am giving up all of my TV shows, and I will only watch movies if it's with other people.

Since lent is supposed to change us and bring us closer to Christ, I don't want to go back to this habit of excessive television when it's over. But more importantly, I want to cut out the shows that negatively impact my world view. So later on during this season of lent, I'll be examining whether or not it is a good choice to keep watching certain shows. By doing this, I will (hopefully) create a spirit of moderation as well as positivity.

Prayer. 

I AM GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FREE TIME WITHOUT ALL OF THIS TV. Maybe I'll even go to bed at normal hours.

What I really want to do is cultivate a habit of feeding myself spiritually in my free time. So instead of watching tons of television, I'm going to try to read one spiritual book per week during lent. I figure I'll have the time.

This will allow me to keep Jesus present in my mind and learn from my brothers and sisters on how to grow closer to Jesus. Any suggestions?

Almsgiving. 

So, since giving up television means giving up Netflix and Hulu Plus, this means I'll have an extra $16 on hand for the next two months. Not much, sure, but (almost) enough to feed a child for an entire year.

image via.

Image via.

I learned about Mary's Meals over the summer, and I've been meaning to donate to them. (Emphasis on the meaning, because I haven't done it yet.) A missionary held a screening of Child 31, a documentary that shows the impact of Mary's Meals worldwide and I fell in love.

This organization provides meals for kids at school. And it's even cooler than that: they buy local, cook food that the kids are used to, and recruit volunteers from the local community to make and serve the kids. In doing this, they are truly changing the whole community. My favorite part of the documentary was when parents said they were continuing to send their daughters to school so she could have a free meal. 

So not only is Mary's Meals feeding the hungry, they are helping kids get a full education.

It costs $16.80 to feed a child for an entire year. If I add an additional $1.60 to that $32 I'll be saving these next two months, I can feed two kids. 

Check out their website for more information on the incredible work they are doing.


I hope you all have a blessed lent! I'd love to hear:
1. What are you giving up for lent?
2. Suggestions for good spiritual reading!

how to lent.

Guys, lent is 2 days away.

I really like lent. I like that it's penitential. Is that weird? After the buzz and excitement of the holidays, I tend to start being selfish. Everything in my life somehow seems to be about me, so lent is a smack in the face right when I need it. Lent reminds me what my life should be all about: Jesus.

I'm sorry if this post was misleading, because I can't tell you specifically how to do lent. But I can give you some resources that I'll be using for lent:

Well, first, here's a great explanation of lent from a fellow FOCUS missionary:

Love this: "It's about giving up something that's good so you can focus on something even better."

Good advice from a priest (stolen from a friend's fbook status. HEY, KELSEY):

You should choose something that will transform your relationship with Christ and have a lasting impact. If chocolate is something that ties you to this world, give it up, but don't go back to eating it in the same way you did before the fast being tied to having it every time you crave it. If you decide to go to daily Mass, don't let that stop once Lent is over. Choose something that will bring you closer to Christ and make you a different person than before.

Daily Updates:

Like FOCUS on facebook, follow the blog, follow them on twitter, or download the lentsanity app. Some sweet people at FOCUS (no, not me), created this app to provide you with resources to help you grow in your faith this lent. There's even a "meat police" feature on the app to remind you not to eat meat on Friday's. Hilarious.

Original ideas on what to give up:

Check out CatholicVote. They have some creative ideas on what to give up for lent.

When it comes down to it, what you give up for lent is totally up for you. But don't go in half way. If you go all in and allow Jesus to use lent to change you and bring you closer to Him, you're doing lent right.

planning with vision

Why do you do what you do?

Sometimes, we can forget why we started a job, a hobby, a new goal. Especially when it gets hard. Especially when there's a task that we don't want to do. In those moments, we can be tempted to quit. So how do we fight this?

My team has been reading 7 Habits of Highly Effective People for a little while now (we took a short hiatus mid-November to mid-January due to SLS), and we really love it. It is changing the way we interact with each other and with other departments. 

Most recently, we started working on implementing the 6 step planning process. Each Friday morning, we set aside an hour to prioritize the upcoming week and create time and space to work on important goals and priorities. But before we even get there, we must begin with the end in mind. This means taking a huge step back and looking at why we are even in our jobs.

Our team works on three main events: SEEK, New Staff Training, and the Student Leadership Summit. I firmly believe that all three events are vital to FOCUS and the advancement of God's Kingdom. But I'm human, and there are some days when I'm stuck in spreadsheets and logistics and emails and tiny details that I forget why I left campus to work on these events.

A few weeks ago I was upset about something I was supposed to do at work. I just couldn't figure out why. My friend Katie and I talked it out, and suddenly I realized it had to do with my pride. I wasn't thrilled about a task I was assigned and wanted to do a more glamorous task. Which...is a problem because the whole of the event is important. Even the less exciting things that I don't want to do.

The next say, Jesus wanted to talk to me about it in prayer, so He made the first reading apply to my life:

The scene: God has sent the prophet Samuel to find the new king from Jesse's sons. Samuel sees Eliab and immediately think's he is the next king of Israel - he's strong, good looking, charming...all the things a king should be. He had that outward appearance and glamour that I desired with my job.

But God had other plans (typical). He says, "Not as man sees does God see, because he sees the appearance, but The Lord looks into the heart."

image via.

The question I had to ask was where was my heart at with these events? Was I in this job for the status? Or was there more?

I sat down with each event and prayed through why it is important to me. 

my new desktop background at work

These are the reasons I love my job. These are the reasons I do what I do. And when the going get's rough, I will take a step back to remember my vision, so my planning and goals can stem from this pace of purpose.

This is why I do what I do. I'd love to hear...why do you do what you do?

T-Minus 1 Day: SLS14 prayer requests

--Update from the hotel: there are a lot of flight delays and cancelations for tomorrow already. Please add everyone's arrivals to your prayers!!--

Happy January 2, everyone!

Did you know that I've been in Dallas with my team since December 31? We have been setting up for SLS and having a lot of meetings (pre-cons, as they call them in the event management biz). I have loved every crazy second of it. More committee heads are arriving today and we are one day away from 2,000+ Catholics overtaking this hotel to learn how to evangelize and give their all to the Lord.

As we approach this monumental event, I humbly ask for your prayers. Here is a list of my top 5 prayer requests for SLS14.

1. For my team. Christine, John Paul, Christina, Carol, Sean, and myself. Pray that we are able to be calm, that nothing too crazy or out of control happens. And when it does, pray that we are able to handle it with grace. 

2. For all of the students. That they encounter Christ, that they are pulled deeper in their relationship with Him. 

3. Sunday night. Sunday is all about prayer and all about encountering Jesus. As active evangelizers, it is so critical that we are rooted in Jesus. We cannot give what we do not have ourselves; we cannot share a person we do not know. This night (January 5) Sr. Mary Gabriel of the Sisters of Life will be speaking about prayer, followed by a night of adoration and confession. Pray that our attendees will be open to encountering Jesus in a deep way this night.

4. For all our speakers. Pray for their health, for their receptivity to the Holy Spirit. Pray that Jesus uses them to say exactly what He wants them to say to inspire and equip all of our attendees. 

5. The aftermath. What I love about SLS versus SEEK is that we are equipping these students for mission. This SLS will be hands on and so very practical. This event would be a failure if these students left and did not start evangelizing back on campus. So please pray that they will be inspired to spread their joy and love of Christ when they get back to campus!

Thank you! Know you will all be in my prayers throughout this event.

When and How?

Guys, my prayer life sucks. And the worst part is, I don't really care. I mean, I care, but I haven't really prayed in a week and I can't find the motivation to start again. Everything is harddddd. Ugh.

Last night my discipleship group was discussing the story of Noah. Two things really struck me:

1. Noah is all about action
2. Noah's faith was pretty insane

God told Noah to do something and he did it. Even though it was out-of-control crazy. Like build-a-1.5-football-field-long-boat-in-the-middle-of-the-desert kind of crazy. What faith! Mark Hart asks the video-kids if they would do something like this if God asked them to. When they say yes, he challenges them, "would you really do it? Isn't God talking to you now?" My girls started talking about this and all I could wonder was what God is asking me to do that I'm just not taking action on.

We kept talking about this and after getting really distracted by this strange children's church song, we talked about how none of us are where we want to be in our relationship with God right now because we are being lazy. Regina then hit us with this smack-in-the-face challenge from her uncle about prayer:

"The question you need to ask yourself is, 'when and how can I pray' instead of listing the excuses for why you can't pray."

Yep. I have a half hour of prayer built into my schedule every day at work. Why am I not praying? The holy sacrifice of the Mass is celebrated (almost) every day at the office. Why am I not going to Mass?

To continue my laundry list of excuses, I'm getting sucked into the busyness of Conference season. I think, "well, God called me to the Events Team, which means He called me to a busy state of life right now...I have to answer these 27 emails. I can't go to Mass/pray!" I'm lacking accountability. Nothing happens if I don't go to Mass or prayer (except me continuing to separate myself from Jesus). 

My girls are lacking accountability as well. So we made a goal and we're texting each other each day to remind each other to pray. Some of them are making gratitude lists, some are praying the rosary, some are praying for 5 extra minutes in the morning. I'm going to go to my scheduled Mass and prayer time and just to sit, for ten minutes, with Jesus. That my when and how. No more excuses. It's time to put Jesus back at the center of my life.

Thanks, Dana, for your inspiration.

How to Pray Like Pope Francis: The examen prayer

When you enter a religious community, you commit to saying certain prayers every day. For the Jesuits, one of those prayers is the Examen Prayer. They pray it twice a day - once at noon and once at the end of the day. And sine Papa F is an every day Jesuit, we know that he prays the examen each day!

Lucky for us, the examen is a very simple prayer. It is all about reflecting on our lives and looking back through our day to see where God was. It teaches us to be more present to God in our every day lives, and it helps us grow in self awareness. Since I started praying an (almost) daily examen, I have had an incredible gift of clarity of how God is working in my life.

St. Ignatius, the founder of the Jesuits, thought the examen was so important that he said if you could only pray one type of prayer in your whole day, this would be it. The examen is a gift of self-awareness, and self-awareness is one of the two basic foundations we need to grow in holiness.

One last great thing about the examen prayer: it only takes about 5 minutes to pray! So go ahead, try it out!

How to Pray the Examen Prayer: Walking Around Your Day

1. Gratitude: I thank God

I tend to make this a litany: Thank You for coffee, the beautiful mountains, my hilarious team, my cat, my roommates, that nice text from my friend, etc.

A litany of thanks works, or you could find a few things and go into greater detail as to why you're thankful for those things. This method of gratitude inclines our hearts towards God and allows us to see why we are grateful for things. This is the one I choose when I'm not being super lazy.

2. Ask For Light: For the grace to see myself as God sees me

Here I simply ask God for the grace to see myself as I truly am; to see myself as His beloved daughter.

3. Look for God in my life: Lord, where have I been for you? What did I do for love? This can be done in feelings or re-experiencing events.

Where did I experience love? When did I choose to love when I could have chosen to be selfish? When did I speak up for Jesus? When was I aware of God during this day?

4. Contrition: Honestly facing what's wrong

Where did I choose selfishness? Where did I ignore God? Where could I have handled a confrontation better? How could I have been more present to The Lord?

5. Resolve: Determine what to do now

After seeing what went well and what didn't go so well, I take a few minutes to talk to Jesus and ask Him what I can do tomorrow to be closer to Him. Sometimes it's as simple as just keep on keepin' on, while other times I make a very concrete resolution on something to do or not to do.

6. Look to the Next Day: Pray through the next 24 hours

I pull out my iPhone, open my calendar app, and pray through all of my meetings and my appointments for that day. I ask God to be with me and ask Him to bless all that is on my plate for the next day.

7. Close: With a Hail Mary or an Our Father

I typically close with Night Prayer, unless it's really late.

So tonight, take five minutes and ask Jesus to walk through your day with you. You'll be joining the ranks of St. Ignatius, St. Francis Xavier, and Pope Francis if you do.

Image via.

5 Easy Ways to Bring More Silence into Your Life

Yesterday I wrote about why we need to create space for silence in our lives. Which can seem really, really overwhelming at first and almost impossible. But I have good news. You don't have to travel all the way to NYC like I did or do anything really drastic to experience silence in your life.

Here are 5 Easy Ways to Bring More Silence into Your Life:

1. Wait to turn on the music in the morning

Use this time to think about the day ahead, to think about what you want for the day, and to invite Jesus into all that you do that day.

2. Keep the radio off in your car

Last year I gave up music in the car for lent. I kept asking Jesus what I needed to get rid of in my life to be closer to Him. Each time He answered with fasting from music and each time I would respond with, "okay...what else do I need to fast from to be closer to you during lent?" I'm not going to lie, it really sucked at first. But I grew to love it. Adding those 10 extra minutes of silence on my way to campus allowed for me to become more aware of Jesus' presence with me at every moment.

3. Eat your meals without TV or music

You can have dinner with Jesus! Or be present to your roommates! Either way, this short time of silence is a great practice if you are trying to be present. Even if you're just being present to the delicious frozen meal that you're eating.

4. Go on a walk - without your iPod

Especially if you live somewhere awesome, like Colorado. Being outside naturally allows you to clear your head without much effort. It also helps me incorporate more gratitude into my daily life.

5. Set aside intentional time to reflect at the end of each day

Oh gosh, this one is money. This year I've started praying the Exam Prayer (almost) every night and it has made all the different in my life. Basically it is a 5-10 minutes period where I walk through my day with Jesus and prepare for the day to come.

6. BONUS!

For me, it takes a while to settle down. I've found that focusing on repetitive prayers such as the rosary or simply repeating a scripture verse or the Jesus Prayer (Jesus, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner) slows my brain down, focuses my full attention on Jesus, and really helps me to be present to what God is putting in my life.

Don't be overwhelmed! Start small and work your way up. Don't beat yourself up (there are days when I can barely go 3 minutes without having to start over), and just keep trying. I believe that if you start incorporating silence into your daily life, you will come to know God and yourself in a deep, intimate way.

Why We Need Silence

A few weeks ago, I sat down with my cup of coffee and started scrolling through my CNN app so I could be a good, informed citizen. Among headlines on the government shutdown, Syria, and general depressing things, this video caught my attention.

If you don't want to watch the video (it's only 2 minutes), the general gist of it is this: a young chef spent some time in a Buddhist Monastery while he was in college and was struck by the silent breakfast they would eat each day. So he opened a restaurant in NYC where the patrons eat their meals in silence.

I think this is so interesting. Silence is definitely not a norm in our culture.

Last year I went on a retreat with the Sisters of Life in NYC. They spend their waking until lunch in silence, and have a full day of silence once a week. As retreatants, we were able to join in that silence.

Sr. Mary Pieta - a former FOCUS missionary!

After the retreat, I took a cab to my friend Kerry's apartment to spend a day with her before I headed back to Nebraska. I was so struck by the noise. In my cab, there was a TV that I couldn't turn the volume off of, the radio was on, and the cabbie was on his cell phone. The windows were open and all the noises on the streets were coming in. I had him drop me off at a coffee shop while I waited for Kerry to get off of work. The noises of coffee brewing, music blaring, and people talking filled my head and I just could not think.

I think people are coming to this restaurant because they recognize a need for silence in their lives.

I know a lot of people who need noise to fall asleep or say that they can't stand to be in silence. This is a problem. Silence creates space for us to breathe, to calm down and really understand what we are experiencing and feeling. I know when I am going through a rough time, or feeling a lot of anxiety, it is so tempting for me to blast my music or turn on the TV to drown out the negative things I'm feeling. But when I do this, I lose an opportunity to grow and whatever the situation is usually ends up worse in the long run.

I'm in the habit of praying daily, but a lot of times that looks like me word-vomiting everything that is going on in my life onto my journal or into Jesus' ears. Or it looks like me reading scripture and analyzing it and applying it to my life. This is all good and necessary, but we know that God speaks to us in the silence of our hearts. These past few years I've been learning that if I don't take time to create space for real, receptive silence, I lose touch with God and the core of who I am.

The more space I create for silence in my life, the more I crave it. Yes, it takes a lot of effort and self control (something I am not very great at), but the pay off is worth it.

Silence in our lives helps connect us to God, to our true selves, and leaves us with an underlying sense of self-awareness and peace. To me, these things are worth the effort.

Check back later this week for 5 easy ways to create space for silence in your life.

NST Round 2

I was editing the UNL FOCUS announcement blog today and I saw that I had an unpublished post on my own blog! Here are some reflections from the middle of NST this past summer:

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Greetings from the Middle-of-Nowhere, Florida where the air is thick, the alligators are plentiful, and FOCUS New Staff Training is in full swing! This year has been wild. It seems as if it was just yesterday that I sat in my room at Newman at the University of Illinois - Champaign full of excitement, anxiety, fear, hope, and anticipation as I tried to fundraise my salary so I could make it to the University of Nebraska - Lincoln by August 12.

Now that NST2013 is more than halfway over, it seems appropriate to reflect on the differences from this year and last.

The most obvious is that I'm a second year and I actually know people here. My schedule is much less demanding, leaving a lot of free time for good holy missionary things (like naps and beers). I feel so much different than who I was a year ago, even who I was a month and a half ago. Something happened when I set foot on Ave Maria's campus and the door was closed on my first year with FOCUS. There is a undertone of peace that seems to come with me even in the midst of suffering and desolation. I don't know how to explain it. Today I was talking with my disciple, Shelby, and I could only describe it as a calm. Coming to training hot off of the dating fast terrified me, as I felt it would be full time job to confront my vocation in the face. And yet, I am sitting in this place of uncertainty and my only desire is to live in the present and pursue deeper intimacy with Jesus at all moments. I don't want to give off the impression that everything is perfect and that I'm overflowing with happiness at all times, because that is the furthest thing from the truth. But there is an undertone of peace that makes it all bearable.

Clarity. God has been working and working in my soul. Usually I can feel my prayer moving but I have no idea what is happening. This summer is the exact opposite. I felt like nothing was happening until last Monday when everything spilled out. Since then Jesus and I have been putting them in order, just so I can begin to make sense of what is going on. I am in a place where I am seeing so many causes and effects and I can see so clearly what I am struggling with and where Jesus wants me to be...but I have no idea where to go or what to do with it. I had a great talk with Sr. Virginia Joy of the Sisters of Life and she gave me some great advice.

Along the lines of clarity, I also have a deep peace about going to the support center. It was such a hard choice - I am going to miss my students and my team so much, but I know that God is calling me to the Denver Support Center. I am so excited to be in this role...but more on that later.

--

That's as far as I got. I will update later this week with more deets on the move and my life as an office missionary. Bye for now!

The Principle of Continuous Improvement

I am constantly reading about and coming up with things to do to help me become the best version of myself. I get overly excited as I discover what I should do next. I'm a jumper - I go from zero to sixty in one goal setting experience. I haven't worked out in forever? Go every day this week. I want to pray more? Add an additional holy half hour. I want to start writing again? Blog every day without exception. And then I fall miserably on my face because I pile all these things on top of each other at the same time. So it's more like zero to 500 in one day.

And it never lasts. The next time I want to try I don't do it because I failed so miserably the time before. Suddenly these goals and desires of mine are a page out of Shauna Niequest's Bittersweet screaming "DO EVERYTHING BETTER" at me, paralyzing me. So I do nothing.

I'm reading Matthew Kelly's The Four Signs of a Dynamic Catholic (read it and get it for free here) and he talks about using the principle of continuous improvement for our spiritual life. Basically this principle suggests that implementing one minuscule step towards your goal in your daily life each week allows people to feel empowered and motivated to make positive changes. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, you are able to take control of your life and the growth you desire. You will grow over time, and these just noticeable differences are a non-threatening way to change.

After many series of repeated failures, this principle excites me. However, my problem is that there are about one million and one areas in my life that I want to improve with this principle. Which would continue to lead me down the failing path of zero to 500.

These next couple of weeks I will be focusing on growing in just one area. I have chosen Matthew Kelly's first sign of a Dynamic Catholic: prayer.

The Christian Life cannot sustain itself without prayer. As a missionary, I've grown so much in this over the course of the year. I have become consistent and I have actually learned to listen. But I still have quite a long way to go.

The best version of myself would not only faithfully stick to my daily prayer routine, but would have a life that is a constant flow of conversation with my God. For me, my first step is the morning offering.

How can I expect to flow in and out of conversation with Christ if I don't talk to Him at the start of my day?

That's where I'm at. I'm not making any promises of consistent posting (even though that's on my short list) because I really want to focus on the slow and steady growth.

For now, I will begin my day calling the name of Jesus to mind and offering Him my day.


I'll be back soon. Pray for me that I might grow closer to Christ this lent.