3 Things To Do When You're Feeling Lonely

OK, real talk: sometimes, being a 20-something sucks.

Being a real adult can be pretty. I know that I am not alone - Jesus is with me, I have friends all over the country, and I know I am blessed with many people who love and care about me. But sometimes I just feel lonely, you know?

When I get stuck in these ruts, I want to curl up in my bed, watch endless hours of Netflix, eat Cherry Garcia FroYo from Ben & Jerry's, and sometimes just cry for no reason. The last thing I want to do is be around people - it just takes so much effort.

Yet wallowing in this doesn't accomplish anything. So instead of quitting everything I am involved in so I can watch every television show ever made, I try to fight the loneliness by getting out of my comfort zone.

How I tackle the days I feel lonely can be summed up in these four words from Papa F:

Step Outside of Yourself.

These words are big and bold on my bathroom mirror, so I have to see them multiple times a day. When I'm feeling alone, I am believing a lie that I am not valuable, unloved, and a burden to others. Stepping outside of myself immediately cuts through these lies and allows me to glimpse the version of myself who God is asking me to be.

The three main ways I step outside of myself are in my mission, in my community, and by practicing gratitude.

In Mission:

There is no better way to be grateful for who you are and what you have by serving others. Go to a soup kitchen. Buy the homeless man on the street lunch. Teach someone something. Get involved in a ministry that occurs fairly often to help you get into the habit of serving.

For me, it helps to turn my attention to my relational ministries. Once I start day dreaming about the things I would love to do with my high school girls, I get caught up in the excitement and immediately start making plans. Suddenly I seem to forget my emotional state of loneliness because I want to be there for these girls and show them that they are not alone. 

In Community:

This one is a little harder, because it involves directly addressing the wound I am feeling. But the best way to fight loneliness is to reach out to someone else. Who knows, maybe you will have reached out to them at the perfect time. Write a letter. Call a friend who lives far away. Make plans to grab coffee or ice cream with someone. I don't care if you were the one who initiated hanging out/talking last - kill your pride and offer love to a friend. The moment someone reaches back your belief that others do not care no longer exists. Pour into them, ask them good questions about their lives. Investing in another human pulls you out of yourself and helps you love yourself better.

Practicing Gratitude:

"Everything sucks and no one likes me." Unfortunately, these words have come out of my mouth plenty of times. Now, I try to sit down at least once a week and write out a list of what I'm grateful for. I don't put a limit, but I try to get to at least ten things. Even if they are simple, like "I'm grateful I can drive myself to work every day," or if they seem silly, like "I'm grateful Lovesick came onto my iPod this morning," write them down and remember the gratitude. Sit with these things, and really allow yourself to be thankful. This can help us force perspective, and can help us focus on what we do have instead of what we think we do not.

So the next time you're feeling lonely or unwanted or unvalued, I challenge you (and myself) to try to remember to step outside of yourself and do one of these things. 

BONUS POINTS if you engage in some mission with other people and then are grateful for it later.

P.S. Tried stuff like this and nothing seems to help? Don't hide and don't be ashamed. There's a difference between occasionally being down and lonely and being depressed. Check out this website to find a Catholic therapist near you. Remember, no matter what, you are loved, you are important, and it is okay to need a little help.

T-Minus 1 Day: SLS14 prayer requests

--Update from the hotel: there are a lot of flight delays and cancelations for tomorrow already. Please add everyone's arrivals to your prayers!!--

Happy January 2, everyone!

Did you know that I've been in Dallas with my team since December 31? We have been setting up for SLS and having a lot of meetings (pre-cons, as they call them in the event management biz). I have loved every crazy second of it. More committee heads are arriving today and we are one day away from 2,000+ Catholics overtaking this hotel to learn how to evangelize and give their all to the Lord.

As we approach this monumental event, I humbly ask for your prayers. Here is a list of my top 5 prayer requests for SLS14.

1. For my team. Christine, John Paul, Christina, Carol, Sean, and myself. Pray that we are able to be calm, that nothing too crazy or out of control happens. And when it does, pray that we are able to handle it with grace. 

2. For all of the students. That they encounter Christ, that they are pulled deeper in their relationship with Him. 

3. Sunday night. Sunday is all about prayer and all about encountering Jesus. As active evangelizers, it is so critical that we are rooted in Jesus. We cannot give what we do not have ourselves; we cannot share a person we do not know. This night (January 5) Sr. Mary Gabriel of the Sisters of Life will be speaking about prayer, followed by a night of adoration and confession. Pray that our attendees will be open to encountering Jesus in a deep way this night.

4. For all our speakers. Pray for their health, for their receptivity to the Holy Spirit. Pray that Jesus uses them to say exactly what He wants them to say to inspire and equip all of our attendees. 

5. The aftermath. What I love about SLS versus SEEK is that we are equipping these students for mission. This SLS will be hands on and so very practical. This event would be a failure if these students left and did not start evangelizing back on campus. So please pray that they will be inspired to spread their joy and love of Christ when they get back to campus!

Thank you! Know you will all be in my prayers throughout this event.

Putting Together the Pieces

This past weekend, Sister Colleen gave a talk on moments when God has come down and touched our lives. She asked us to reflect on eight key moments in our lives where this has happened and to carry them with us as we took time to figure out who we are now. 

1. Little Miss Christie Auditions 

In the 6th grade, I didn't get cast in the school play. I was pretty bummed. So about two months prior to auditions the next year, I started praying every single day. I would say my route prayers (mainly the rosary) and then ask Jesus to let me make the play. Precious. After I was cast, I keep praying almost every night, for a long time. 

Though I don't remember a specific moment, I know that this time in my life was graced. I saw the power of God and responded to it. Though it was for a silly petition, I saw that God desired my well being and began to lay foundations of prayer in my life. I really believe this response to His pursuit of me is what set me up to grow in my faith a few years down the road. 

2. Destination Jesus - Out of the Jungle

I was required to go on a retreat for confirmation.  This meant joining the ranks of DJ graduates. Though I could not tell you the specifics of what was talked about on this retreat, I can tell you exactly what happened that Saturday night in 2005. It was the first time I had experienced adoration and in that high school gym, Jesus came down and touched me. I was filled with His presence and His love and I was intensely overcome with joy. I knew, in that moment, that not only was Jesus truly God, but He was truly present in the Eucharist. This moment solidified my faith, and kept me Catholic when I was a sophomore in college. 

3. Camp Tecumseh 

Surprise, camp made the list. There are so many things I could list on how The Lord came down into my reality from campers sharing their hearts to friends to the beauty of nature to chapels. But what I want to focus on is the preparation Arielle and I put into bringing back the "10 Lepers" chapel. I think that was the first time I really sat with scripture and applied it to my life. I spent hours sitting and talking with Arielle and Tom, looking into how Jesus had worked in my life and how it had brought me to where I was today. We chose to focus on the one leper who had thanked Jesus for healing him. The humility of this leper showed me how to thank Jesus for the blessings in my own life and taught me how to listen to the voice of god in scripture. Arielle's willingness to share her heart through the experience brought us incredibly close as friends, and opened my heart to a deep friendship with Jesus. 

4. Delta Gamma - TDH

This is going to be a lame explanation, because I can't explain this one. TDH are some of Delta Gamma's secret values that correspond with who we are as a fraternity. All I can say is that when I really learned what these things meant, they launched me forward to a deepened relationship with Jesus. 

5.  Mission Trip to the Bronx

This trip opened my heart to receive Jesus' love in a new way. Here I saw how alive Jesus is today. I was blown away by how present He was in such a huge city, and how many young people across our country are fighting for Him. Here I opened my heart to what Jesus wants for my life, not just the plan I've created. That has made all the difference these last few years.

6. FOCUS 

Oh, FOCUS. As I reflect on the people Jesus has put in my life to draw me to Him through this organization, I am overcome with gratitude. FOCUS came into my life right as I started to respond to Jesus' pursuit of me. All of the missionaries and students that I have been blessed to know have challenged me to respond to Jesus' love for me, to go deeper, and to share my faith in a new and radical way. I have learned to pray, how to be present, how to love, and so many more things because of FOCUS. I am so grateful to this organization. I am who I am today because of FOCUS. I am so glad FOCUS is still a part of my life and I am excited to see how being an office missionary will continue to shape my life.

7. The Visitation

This summer, pregnant Mary started stalking me. And she hasn't left me alone. I'm pretty okay with it. Mary's journey to help her cousin Elizabeth is her response to being filled with Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Mary says yes to God, is filled with the two other members of the trinity, and immediately, without hesitation, sets out to serve others. I want to be like this. I've stayed with Mary's Magnificat and this image for a few months now, and the more I reflect on it, the more I want to be like Mary. I want my yes to God to bring Jesus to other people, simply in being who I am.  

8. Moving to Colorado

This might have just happened, but these past two months have just been saturated with Jesus. I told a friend last week that I feel like I'm on the cusp of something big. Never has my faith been so consistently alive. I am learning to be more self aware, to trust the desires Jesus has given me, and to live in the physical presence of God. I know that this is graced time, and the deepening of my trust in Gods love will set me up for an ever deepening relationship with Jesus. 

The pieces of our lives come together, as signs of God's love for us. They may not fit where we thought they would, but they all play a critical role in shaping who we are.

Cheesey, yes. But I liked it. 

Here We Go

here we go, one more time, everybody's feeling fine, here we go now...

Alright, alright, I'm a slacker when it comes to writing. I can't even begin to tell you how many times writing and planning for writing ends up uncrossed off on my to do list. I could blame it on being busy or so many other things, but when it comes down to it, I was just slacking.

Many times I would start to write again, but then question of why am I doing this would come up...so I would stop. It is so easy to highlight the perfect parts of my life as I'm writing, but that's not reality. Last year there was a lot of suffering coupled with my joy and I wasn't sure how to articulate it without feeling fake. So even though I really wanted to write, I just didn't.

Jesus and I talked about it, and I'm going to start writing again. Here's why:

1. To document my growth during this "critical decade"

Seriously, every few months I look back and feel so different than who I was before. The decisions we make in our twenties will effect the rest of our lives (seriously. that's one of the reason's I'm a FOCUS Missionary). With such rapid growth and change, it is nice to have the means to document it so I can look back and see where I was compared to where I am now.

2. To share the light of Christ and the beauty of His Church through media as a part of the New Evangelization

My relationship with Jesus is very intimate, but every good gift that He gives is meant to be shared. Jesus loves us each uniquely and personally, but He gives us the gift of others to encourage us in our walks of faith. If my journey and relationship with Jesus can help someone else, then heck yes I want to write about it!

As I've fallen deeper and deeper in love with Christ and His Church, the more I've desired to share this love. We are called to do this in all ways! I talk about Jesus in my real life and my social media life. Why not share this love via the bloggosphere!?

3. Spiritual Gifts Inventory 

One time last year I thought about completely deleting my blog off the internet, and then I got a letter from an old college friend. She had been watching The Tudors, and had become fascinated by the beauty of the latin prayers of the Rosary that Catherine, Henry VIII's first wife, would pray on the show. This compelled her to research modern day examples of people living out their Catholic faith. I received one of the kindest letters I've ever received from her, telling me how she had read through my old posts and was inspired by the work I was doing with FOCUS. So after that, I decided I should probably leave this up.

That experience with my friend coupled with the results from the St. Catherine of Siena Spiritual Gifts Inventory that I took last year further convicted me that I needed to step up my game and start writing again. This was one of the coolest tests I've taken. It takes real situations from your life and simply points you towards some of the ordinary gifts of the Holy Spirit that you could have. It is meant as a way to encourage you to pursue some of them more deeply to see if this is a gift God has given to you to bring others to Him. Writing was one of my top potential gifts. If God has given me the ability to inspire others to draw close to Him through my writing, then I will write. "Let us use the gifts given to us by grace..." - Romans 12:6

4. To stay connected with my mission partners and friends

Yup. Stay tuned for thoughts on my mission, Jesus, friendship, and all other kinds of good, random things. Enjoy this picture of me and my friend Megan in bear costumes:

I can't wait to tell you about the ministry fair.

5. To push myself

I love writing because I love critical thinking and analyzing. Writing consistently will give me a formal outlet for this and will allow me to use my voice. It will help me to fully develop my thoughts and opinions and practice expressing them in a formal manner.

So there it is! We're going to try this again more consistently.