April is a busy, busy month. It's full of bipolar weather, the Drake Relays, tests, papers, Easter, figuring the summer out, figuring next year out, planning last minute events, and just stress and craziness. April is a weird month. Camp is getting closer, but it still feels so far. Everyone gets stir crazy and just wants to be outside. School work is tortuous and everybody really just wants it to be summer.
For some reason, I really hate April. Which is weird, because it's the first time I've seen the sun and felt heat in 6 months. I think it's because last April was really awful, and was a really hard time. Because everything gets so busy and so political during this month, it is so easy to get bogged down and not feel like myself.
Last Friday, I went to a Drake InterVarsity night with Emily and Sarah. It was at a church near campus, and the atmosphere was very serene. There were candles all around the worship space and fun little cheesecake deserts for us to eat. That night, we listened to two beautiful women share a part of their walk through life with Jesus and where they're at now. I saw a lot of myself in both of those women's testimonies, and was so grateful to be able to hear them speak.
After their stories, we went into prayer and worship. Sarah and I sat and sang together for a bit, but then I went to the back to pray. One thing that's neat that InterVarsity does is they allow for opportunities for people to pray over you. That's not something I've had much experience with.
But on Friday, a DG Alumna was with us. Beth Ann is someone who I wish I would have gotten to know more when she was at Drake. This girl loves with every force possible, and is truly beautiful and inspirational. I walked to the back of the church to Beth Ann and just broke down crying. About how I'm getting so worn out from some of my greek leadership positions. About how I feel like I am so defined by my job titles and how people hate me for my job. It was a beautiful moment where I cried, let everything that hurting out, and just gave it all up to Jesus. Beth Ann prayer over me, prayed with me, cried with me, and said some incredible things that I really needed to hear.
So this month I am really really trying to remember that this world does not define me. I may be a junior studying psychology who happens to be a member of Delta Gamma and the Panhellenic President. But that is not all. I will not all this world to tell me that as council president, I am officially the "fun hater,"that I will forever have this scar on my heart from my term as social chair. Because that's not who I am. I am a child of God, a woman who was made beautiful in His image. He decides who I am, and where my worth falls. He can and He will make me whole where I am empty. He is strong where I am weak, and that is where I am beautiful.
I didn't do so good with those revelations this week. But today at our chapter retreat, I think some of it began to reconcile and heal further. And through the grace of God I will be able to recognize that those things will not weigh me down forever. Jesus has taken them away, and He has made me new. He will forever define who I am and who I will become. I pray that I can be transformed by the renewal of my mind on a daily basis so that I may truly walk side by side with Christ.