I want a new purse. More dresses. Cuter shoes. A bigger apartment. A new car. More friends. A better job. To make more money. To be successful.
At camp, we do this skit where the main character feels really empty inside, and so they start trying to fill themselves up with all this stuff. They go on a crazy shopping spree, make the team, and even get a new boyfriend/girlfriend. But they still feel empty. As they confide this information to a friend, the friend introduces them to Jesus. And suddenly, that hole in their heart is filled.
I think this story can ring true in a lot of different ways. It is the undertone to my story of reencountering Christ, and I think all of us deal with this to some extent.
Right now, this struggle is manifesting itself in the form of location. Whenever I travel somewhere new, whether that's a new area in Denver or a different city, I say to myself, "gosh, I could live here!" I have a restless heart that wants to explore and travel and live in the trendiest areas of the trendiest cities.
This happened again last weekend. Friday, I was walking through The Highlands and saw all these apartment buildings with an incredible view of Denver. So I started googling them to see how much rent was (note: $2,000/month for a studio is out.of.control). Saturday, Jess and I were walking around downtown and I started to take note of where the different apartment buildings were.
No matter where I live, something always feels a little out of place. Sometimes I wonder if this is because I moved around so much.
But then it dawned on me. Or, to be more accurate, it smacked me right in the face.
I will never be satisfied with a new house, a new apartment, or a new city.
I will never be satisfied with my roommates, no matter how great they are.
I will never truly be home.
Because this place, this world, is not where I am meant to be.
I am meant for Heaven, for union with Christ.
So the next time I feel myself lusting over that high-rise apartment that faces the I-25 bridge and the beautiful Denver skyline, I will remind myself that no, this apartment will not make my life better. I will turn to Christ in the Eucharist and continue to look forward to the day I will truly be home.