Road Trip.

Personal life goal: be more spontaneous.

That is being achieved today. I am about to hop in my car to head to the great state of Indiana. Two days ago while talking to some friends we entertained the idea of me dropping by for a short while before their spring break starts. I had no spring break plans, so I thought why not!? I'll only be there for three short days, but it's totally worth it.

Today, I am praying for safe travels and blessed intentional time spent with friends.

Today, I am excited to listen to the Catholic Stuff You Should Know podcast in my car, to jam out to some new music that I got, and to see my DePauw CT friends.

Today, I am grateful to be able to just hop in the car and go on an adventure like this.

See ya in 8 hours, Indy!

Be Sealed With the Gifts of the Holy Spirit

"Your first vocation is to love Jesus Christ and to share His hope and love with others where ever you go." These were the words Archbishop Naumann ended his homily with at today's confirmation mass. Not only were his words perfect for those 189 eighth graders about to become full fledged Catholics, but they were perfect for me too.

In this time of transition I am fixated on figuring out exactly what God wants me to do. I get so overwhelmed thinking about making the wrong choice that I paralyze myself with all of my options. They are all good, but what if I pick the wrong one? Today's homily and calling down of the Holy Spirit reminded me that yes, what I do is important. But as long as I genuinely seek Christ with my whole heart and bring His love to everyone I meet, I am fulfilling my vocation as a Catholic woman. That is comforting.

I am so incredibly proud of my littlest brother, Joey. After two long years of study, he was confirmed in the Church. I pray he recognizes the significance of this event and takes his commitment to Christ seriously. He chose St. Sebastian to be his patron, as he is the patron of athletes. Joe led his eighth grade basketball team in an undefeated season, so I think it was a good choice.

I pray St. Sebastian's commitment to the Lord inspires Joey. When Joey was telling me about St. Sebastian, it really stuck out to me that though he would eventually be a martyr himself, St. Sebastian comforted those Catholics in prison who were being persecuted for their faith. I pray that like St. Sebastian, Joey can put the needs of others before his own and lead with integrity and humility.

Proud of you little brother! Congratulations.

Sacrifice What Defines You.

Last week's challenge was to sacrifice what defines you. Initially my mind jumped to my positions on Panhellenic, but since I am no longer involved on campus I couldn't really sacrifice something I am not actively involved in. So I began to examen my daily life and tried to see what was constant each day that influenced the definition of who I am. Suddenly I knew what I had to give up. The mirror.

I thought this would be pretty easy as this is not something I typically struggle with. But it was incredibly challenging. I found myself extremely tempted to simply throw my hair into a pony tail and throw on my typical summer outfit (t-shirt & Nike shorts), but even that led me to being a tad self-conscious. Over the course of the week I slowly realized that though I don't consciously process it, I put a lot of stock into how I look. As a senior searching for a job, I generally have a way that I look and present myself on campus. I will never leave my apartment without looking in the mirror and it was a habit that was surprisingly hard to break. Though I realize my worth is not held in my looks and that I am still the same capable and intelligent woman whether I am dressed up and looking "cute" or not, I noticed how easy it is for me to relate how good my day will be with how I look. Why is it that when I am dressed up and "looking cute" I automatically feel better and think my day will be better? It is an interesting relationship between the two and I think it rings true for a lot of young women. 

What this past week reminded me of is this: no matter what I am wearing, no matter how I look, Christ is what defines me. I am a daughter of God and I am loved enough to die for.

"The Invitation"

by: Oriah Mountain Dreamer

I wrote about this poem yesterday but I just love it so much that I need to share it with the world. Here is the link to the author's website, and since I am a psychology student, my APA style citation is at the bottom.

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living

I want to know what you ache for

and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool

for love

for your dream

for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...

I want to know if you have touched

the centre of your own sorrow

if you have been opened by life's betrayals

or have become shriveled and closed

from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain

mine or your own

without moving to hide it

or fade it

or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy

mine or your own

if you can dance with wildness

and let ecstasy fill you to the tips of your

fingers and toes

without cautioning us to

be careful

be realistic

remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story

you are telling me is true.

I want to know if you can

disappoint another

to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal

and not betray your own soul.

If you can be faithless

and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty

even when it is not pretty

everyday.

And if you can source your own life

from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure,

yours and mine

and still stand at the edge of the lake

and shout to the sliver of the full moon,

"Yes."

It doesn't interest me

To know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up

after the night of grief and despair

weary and bruised to the bone

and do what needs to be done

to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know

or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand

in the centre of the fire

with me

and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom

you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you

From the inside

When all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone

with yourself

and if you truly like the company you keep

in the empty moments.

Dreamer, O. M. (1999). The Invitation. San Francisco: Harper.

Written on the Bus Ride Home.

What I am learning to appreciate about Ignation Spirituality is when you boil it down, it is all about being in touch with your real self, in touch with your emotions, and in touch with the core of who you are. This weekend we pushed past some limits and recognized things that we are attached to and why they are there. The discernment weekend brought up a lot of questions and a lot of things that I never even realized are in the way of my decision making process, and thus in the way of my relationship with God. The weekend really brought to light some things I need to truly sit and wrestle with. Coming away from this weekend I have discovered an intense ambiguity surrounding my future. And I'm actually okay with it. Maybe I will be in Belize, Tanzina, or Micronesia next year. Maybe I will be in Denver, or on a college campus. Maybe I will be traveling around in a van meeting thousands of high school students. Or maybe I won't be doing any of those things. I am working towards that place of active indifference so I can freely give my "yes" to Christ.

On Saturday we read a poem to open our prayer. It is beautiful and there are so many different parts that I love, but I think what I love the most (at least right now) are the stanzas that say:

 "I want to know if you have touched 

the centre of your own sorrow

if you have been opened by life's betrayals

or have become shriveled and closed

from fear of further pain. 

I want to know if you can sit with pain

mine or your own

without moving to hide it

or fade it

or fix it." 

-"The Invitation," by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

When I experience somthing negative I jump to address it and fix it, or shove it underneath the rug. It is how I dealt with negative relationships, how I dealt with my Dad's cancer, and how I deal with a lot of the wrong I have done. But what Ignation Spirituality is teaching me is that we have reasons for these desolations and rather than ignore them, it is so important to name them, sit with them, and accept the fact that they could be a sign from God. I am learning how to "sit with pain" and I am learning how to understand what it means.

It is extremely overwhelming knowing that I have to make some major life decisions within the upcoming month. I am reading Discerning the Will of God: An Ignation Guide to Christian Decision Making by Fr. Timothy M. Gallagher and stumbled across this question: "What growth did God offer this person through the process of discernment?" (p. 131). It is a great question to pose as I am attending these interview weekends and handing my future over to Christ. I think God is trying to teach me something important in each weekend I attend. At the FOCUS interview weekend it was trust. This past weekend was about a real, intense way of living, and being in touch with Christ within me. I want to incorporate all of what I am learning in this process into who I am. This process is long and confusing, but I know at the end of it I will not only know what I am doing next year, but I will also have a deeper understanding of who I am and who Christ is.

Loyola University Chicago

I had a bit of free time between my interview and the retreat so I got to wander around Loyola's campus for a bit. The beautiful weather complimented the beauty of the campus.

This is where I got to pray on Saturday. Incredible.

Sacrifice What Feeds You.

This past week's challenge was to sacrifice what feeds you.


I might have taken the easy way out, but this week I chose to abstain from meat. It wasn't very hard at first, but by Thursday I was sick of pasta and just wanted some chicken. What it made me realize, in the simplest way, was how incredibly blessed and fortunate I am - especially in regards to my access to food. I was choosing to only eat a certain type of food (pasta, rice, etc) while there are millions of people in the world who have no say in what they eat or whether or not they even can eat. My very, very small sacrifice brought me a small taste of solidarity with the hungry and allowed me to recognize my privilege even further. It is a privilege that I can even take on these forms of sacrifice, that I can even consider living simply or chose to abstain from a certain type of food.


I think it is important that I continue to recognize this privilege and what exactly that means. A lot of what I learned this past week was echoed over the weekend. I need to delve deeper into those things as they come up, so hopefully I can be a bit more insightful tomorrow. 


However, I think that I am realizing more and more how much my background and the privilege my family provided me with is ingrained into every single thing that I do. I'm not sure if I would have realized this as profoundly as it is hitting me now if I had not created space in my life by giving up social media. What I love about doing these Relentless ACT:S of Sacrifice challenges is how they beautifully compliment my desire to live simply and my desire to give up social media. I pray that when lent is over I can continue to incorporate what I am learning into my daily life. But before I can do that, it means sitting with what I am discovering, really getting into the hard stuff, and understanding how each of these things play into my every day life.