This is really hard. And this might sound dumb, but I am actually surprised at how big of a challenge this is. I took a big test Thursday morning and spent all of the last week studying for it. Abstaining from facebook and twitter was a little easier on Wednesday because I knew it was good for me.
I came home after my test and I realized I had nothing to do. I sat in my apartment for a little over an hour and I really just felt like I was wasting time. Which is silly because if I had access to facebook and twitter I would have been on those websites - actually wasting time. The absence of those websites has already shown me how much time I waste. I hope I can take that realization and learn to be comfortable with nothing going on.
After mass on Friday afternoon, Fr. Joel said what he thinks we all need to fast from is noise so we can make room for the silence and peace of the Lord. He is absolutely right. For some reason I've been inclined to keep the TV off (I'm running with it) and there's been a lot of quiet. I think it's good. I want to be able to open my heart to what God has to say to me. The silence has been a little uncomfortable, but I hope I will grow to appreciate it.
Because of this lack of facebook and texting I have now had really great conversations with two friends I normally would just facebook chat with. Tonight I had a particularly great conversation with my friend Ryan about the beauty of discernment and placing where we are at in God's hands. We talked about growth, sacrifice, and accepting God's plan for us. I only called him because of this fast and I'm so grateful for our conversation.
I also got to skype with my sister for two hours over the weekend.
It was great to really talk to her and hear all about Anchor Splash at SLU.
I really love conversation and connection and I am learning to truly put effort into my relationships. When we moved in high school I began to learn the lesson that you will keep in touch with those who matter to you. Here I am learning how to initiate that process in an intentional manner. I pray this season of lent will continue to bring blessings and conversations centered on Christ where I am able to be truly present.