One of my favorite virtues is integrity. But, for the longest time, I found it really difficult to define. Until I discovered the opposite.
Ever have a friend promise to call you, and then just doesn't? Or what about that friend who consistently makes plans and then cancels?
Integrity is doing what you say you will do. Especially in the small things. Besides, if you can't be trusted in small things, how can you be trusted in big things?
If you constantly make plans, but cancel, you lose the trust of your friend. If you promise to bring in Reese's Bars into the office, but don't, then no one will believe you the next time. Your word is worth everything - until it's not.
So don't be that girl/guy. If you don't want to hang out with someone, don't make plans with them. I think it's much less painful in the long run then to be constantly let down. Bring the Reese's Bars into the office, or don't tell people you're going to bring them in. Do what you say you will do.
When Schmem came to visit back in January/February, we were talking a lot about travel. I started counting (in my head) how many states I have been to. So I decided to do what any normal adult would do to get an accurate count: COLOR A MAP.
Some provisions for the count: I had to have stayed overnight in the state for the visit to count. Connections in airports definitely do not count and after some deliberation, simply driving through a state (hollaatchya, Wisconsin, West Virginia, & Georgia) does not count.
The Grand Total: 19.
Isn't my map pretty!?
The question is: can I travel to six more states in ten months? FUN FACT: Two of those trips are already planned/paid for. It seems the question really is, can I get to four more states in ten months!?
So friends, near and far, do you want someone to come visit you in the next ten months? Hit me up. Do you want to go on an adventure? Really hit me up. (Guys, seriously, Santa Fe is like a 5 hour drive south. Road trip??)
Bam, 25 in 25, consider yourself added to the bucket list.
PS: MOM DID I GO TO ANY STATES AS A CHILD THAT I DON'T REMEMBER!?
Over and over again, Shauna Niequist nails it. This time, it was her post Less. Do yourself a favorite and go read it, immediately.
Did you read it?
Good. Glad you're back.
What I love about Shauna Niequiest and her writing is in the most eloquent, yet simple way, she speaks words that are vulnerable, beautiful, and exactly what I need to hear.
My theme this year has been More Jesus, Less Stuff. And as we enter the halfway point of June, I think it's time to evaluate my progress.
I gave up TV for lent because I wanted more space for community and for Jesus. Instead what I allowed to creep in that space was a gaping loneliness, that left me lying in bed alone, fighting back tears of isolation while I was with other people, and a lingering sadness that would hiss lies in my ear about being unloved and uncared for.
I am used to a full life. In college, I scheduled myself 24-hours a day with class, activities, events to plan, people to see, and meetings (on meetings on meetings) to attend. As a missionary, I ran around conforming my schedule to be present in the lives of 8+ women on a weekly basis, and trying to have a fulfilling team life with relationships with 9 other missionaries and their families.
And now, when I am living in the wake of "less stuff," I see how this emptiness and dark can be unbearable. It seems that I have run full speed ahead with "Less Stuff," but have forgotten to fill it with "More Jesus."
And somehow, in the midst of all this, I remember a phrase that has stuck with me since Christine shared it on our 11PM drive from Ft. Myers to Ave Maria whilst taking a Divergent Factions Placement quiz (in case you are wondering, I am Amity & Christine is DIVERGENT!!!): Everything is God's Mercy.
I believe that everything is within God's will. Yet somewhere along the road the connotation of that phrase was twisted in my heart to picture an angry, heartless God forcing me to feel miserable for a little bit because it pleased Him. The idea of God's will being a part of His Divine Mercy somehow sits better with my heart.
Mercy allows me to see the other things He is protecting me from. Mercy allows me to see Him constantly calling out to me, doing everything He can to keep me on the path that leads to Him. Mercy inspires me to crawl out of the confessional, dust myself off, and to start again.
As I am remembering that everythingis God's Mercy, and that I need to focus more on putting "More Jesus" into my life, I am already down here at FOCUS Summer Training for a full month where I am being presented with the opportunity to choose "More Jesus" at every moment. Whether that's attending prayer and scripture classes in my spare time, choosing kindness in my meetings and management style, or choosing daily Mass & prayer, the opportunities for "More Jesus" are readily available. Everything is God's Mercy. He knows what He's doing.
Never would I have chosen a season of emptiness and loneliness, but because that has been my year, I now get to choose to return to Him in a way is real and relevant to our relationship. And who knows what's down the road - maybe this season of less will be a way my heart has been prepared to minister to others, or maybe it will propel me deeper into my relationship with Christ.
So as Shauna continues along in her season of less, I will enter into a season of More (Jesus), all the while remembering every moment of my day is His Mercy.
I'm blogging from my phone at the airport today, so sorry there is no fancy 7QT image today.
1. Happy May 30, people. Tomorrow is the last day of May and today I am flying to Florida. It's gonna be so great.
2. Have you heard of the Cold Water Challenge? Basically it's this thing where someone challenges you to immerse yourself in cold water in some capacity & donate $10 to a charity of your choosing within 24 hours. If you don't do it, you are supposed to donate $100. If you do it, you get to post a video to facebook and then challenge other people to the CWC. It's a fun way to have fun and generate giving amongst younger people.
3. Maddie nominated me. Shere's my video:
My friends are the worst & didn't participate.
4. This was a great week full of friendship and fun. My friend Katherine is leaving on the World Race right before I get back from NST, so I won't get to see her again until May 2015. So we obviously had to take a goodbye selfie.
A friend from college is currently on the race and it seems like a really great program. I am so excited for Katherine and the lives she will change and the community she will build! Support and follow her mission here.
5. Speaking of selfies, it was revealed last night that my roommate Michelle hates the word, "selfie." Obviously, Jenna and I proceeded to force her to take her first ever selfie.
6. Last weekend I had the privilege of driving 8 hours to West Point, Nebraska to watch Shelby & Calvin get married. They are beautiful people with big hearts for loving others and that was evident at their wedding. Hundreds of people came out to pray and celebrate with them as they started a new chapter of their life.
Shelb was beautiful and Calvin didn't stop smiling all day. It was so great to be a part of their day, and I hope for many blessings upon them as they start their new lives together!
7. It's a big weekend happening right now. Camp Tecumseh Staff Training starts today, all the missionaries arrive at FOCUS New Staff Training tomorrow, and the FIRST EVER NST WELCOME CARNIVAL IS ON SUNDAY!
Seriously, you guys, this is gonna be big. At camp, we pull out all the stops to welcome the new staff to the community and make sure they are included and feel cared for. It's loud, it's big, it's crazy, and it's fun. FOCUS does a great job of welcoming us, but it's easy to feel lost that next day when you don't know anything or anyone. Since my first year I have wanted to do something big to kick of NST. This is my chance to shine. But more on that next week - I've got a flight to catch!
For more quick takes, check out conversiondiary.com.
I'm glad this month is over. It's been a long, stressful, and lonely one. Summer Training has finally started, and we are entering into a new season in FOCUS and in my life.
So, how'd I do on that May goal of cleaning my room, you ask?
Well...uh...it was clean...ish...
And then I had to pack for a weekend and empty out my car in one hour and pack for a month at Ave Maria. #excuses
So...it's not clean.
It's clean, ish. Clean enough that I won't hate myself when I get back to Colorado after NST with the cat in tow.
So....here's to keeping my room with Cait at Ave clean? Dangit.
So, I am definitely late to the game on this one, but I went to see Once a few weeks ago with my friend Elizabeth. I had heard great things about it, it won a Tony, and I love performing arts, so everything added up for it to be a great night.
She steps on the stage, so confident in who she is. She sees "guy," playing music, and she likes what she hears, so she asks for more. She does not let his insecurity or a fear of rejection stop her. She knows exactly what she wants: to get "guy" to keep playing music, and she is not afraid to pursue it.
I am afraid I am not enough and that I am too much at the same time. This fear stems from many wounds, many lies, and many deep-set sexist attitudes I've grown up with in the culture.
If you have looked at social media at all in these last few days, you will have noticed the #YesAllWomen hashtag trending.
This hashtag, this movement, is trying to get at the deep issue that over and over again women are taught to be ashamed of their femininity, of their emotions, and of their desires. It has been amazing to watch it trend and to see men and women reach out to one another over the internet to call to an end all forms of violence and discrimination against women. There are some misguided comments (ie using it as a platform to argue about reproductive rights/birth control), but overall it is about vision, equality, acceptance, and calling others to action.
This tweet struck me the most:
#YesAllWomen because when we're offended at something we are told we are 'too sensitive' & 'it was a joke' rather than given an apology
— michelle's bae (@postirl) May 25, 2014
Too often has a situation like this happened to me, and at the time of writing this, at least 3,000 other women. Situations like this belittle us, and cause us to inch away from who we are. For me, they feed my wounds and make them deeper, resulting in a lack of confidence in myself and my femininity.
What I love about Once, about other movies and novels with women who fight for what they want, is that they are truly unashamed of who they are. These women are comfortable in their own skin, and they leave the lives of everyone they touch around them better. They are not afraid of being "too sensitive," or too much, or not enough. They bring their very being with a force that causes movement or change from those they encounter.
In our real world, we run from this true, beautiful femininity. Yet over and over again in film, literature, the performing arts, and scripture we see the authenticity the friction a confident, strong, sensitive, and truly feminine woman creates when she collides with other people in her world. In Once, it is incredible music that moves everyone who hears it.
When we tell women they are not enough in their appearance and ability to be desired by men, or that they are too much in what they desire, their emotions, and their dreams, we shrink them down a little each time. And soon we are left with a culture of women afraid to embrace who they truly are because others are afraid of how they will have to change if they are challenged to be a better person.
This is not okay. We cannot continue to live in a world of fear that rejects the beauty and value and dignity of woman.
So thank you Once and every person who tweeted, favorited, or retweeted a #YesAllWomen tweet. This fight for equality, safety, and freedom to be unashamed of who we are has just started, and we need to keep speaking out.
As we keep taking small steps towards a world where women can be unashamed of who they are, we will see more authenticity, beauty, and love flower out around us. I want to live in a world where this is a reality, and I will keep speaking out until we get there.
WHEW this week has been BUSY. And so was last week. We are 8 days away from the leadership heading down to Summer Training, and I'm 15 days away from going there myself. I keep forgetting that an event that I'm planning for July 4 does NOT need to be finalized by the time I leave. So I keep having to tell myself to relax a little.
For some reason, I didn't process how busy and crazy we would be the few weeks leading up to NST. I was really mentally prepared for SLS, but not so much this time. Hence the blog slacking and the fact that all I can think about is summer training. Sorry, friends. Bear with me.
However, I am getting really excited for NST. I think our team has done a great job of planning, and I'm really excited to see our event managers schedule play out. We have two new teammates (!!!!!!) who will be helping out, and our committee heads are the BOMB. So it's going to be a legit summer.
Part of my job has been to plan the weekend events and "random fun" that's been added in throughout the summer. Guys, I can't wait! I'm hoping the staff will really buy into the games and themes to add excitement to their busy, busy days at training.
Sure, I'm excited to see this event come together, but I'm really excited to see my friends. NST is like a big homecoming for all the missionaries. It's a time to step back, reconnect, and get ready for the coming year. Oh, it is challenging as all get out, but I think I have a better mindset going into the event this yet!
I fell in love with google docs when I was the Director of Special Events for Delta Gamma, but I think my love affair has grown to a strange level now that I'm an event planner. I have over twenty New Staff Training documents and I may or may not have made google docs for my family to plan our upcoming vacation.
