Wait, It's 2015 Already?

I rang in 2015 sitting in the fifth row of chairs in Ryman Hall C at the Gaylord Opryland with John Paul, Mike, & Chris Stefanik (cough name dropping cough cough). We were pouring over the SEEK programming timeline, making sure every detail for the opening of the conference would be just right, making sure it would set a tone of fun and openness so the Holy Spirit could begin to work in the hearts of the 9,500 college students that would be in attendance.

At 12:03 AM, Mike noticed the time. "Hey guys, it's 2015." Chris suggested we pray a Hail Mary. We did, and then got right back to work.

The next six days were a blur of conference production and coffee, followed by a blur of moving and adjusting. When I finally got a chance to process that it was already 2015, I was tired. I spent a lot of 2014 tired and lonely. It was kind of a crap year that I don't really want to repeat. I wasn't focused, and I wasn't purposeful.

I've never been any good at keeping resolutions. So instead, I'm going with two words to set the tone for 2015. I want them to be my mantra, my rally cry, and the motivating force behind all that I choose to do. Be intentional.

I turn 25 in March - quarter of a century old. For most of my life, I've lived in that relativistic, do-what-feels-good mindset. And even though I'm aware of it now, it can still creep into my habits and my daily choices. So this year, I'm going to combat that by being intentional.

I want to ask myself "how can I be intentional" about all the different priorities in my life: my faith, my relationships, my career, my time, my health, etc.

I think this 2015 mantra could mean big things for my year, especially as I focus on it day by day.

image via.

JULY: Being Intentional & Aware

I've been thinking a lot lately about goals and dreams and the path that I'm on. Who am I? Who do I want to be? Who does God want me to be? Do those two desire match?

Many times this year I have repeated the phrase, "the first step to holiness is self-awareness." And what is incredible about self-awareness is that it is a never ending cycle. We can always learn something new, something more about ourselves.

Lately, I haven't been so great about being self aware. Actually, on a large scale of my whole life I haven't been all that self aware. As I'm entering my 3rd of FOCUS, my 3rd year out of college, I'm curious about who I have become, and what my habits say about me. I want to be on an intentional path that seeks The Lord and his will for my life. 

So this month, I'm focusing on self awareness by just tracking myself. I just got a FitBit Flex and I'm super obsessed with it, but it's been fascinating to know now many steps I take on an average day. It also motivates me to track what I eat, how frequently I exercise, how much water I drink, and how well I sleep. It also has silent alarms, so I've bee able to set a reminder for prayer and Mass times so I don't accidentally miss it. In prayer, I've been intentional about meditating on themes that have come up, and taking note of them. I will be adding in a daily Examen to be intentional in noticing my struggles, moods, and successes. I've also been tracking my spending and saving, just to see where my habits are.

I'm not looking to make any changes (yet), and I know that these habits don't necessarily define who I am, but I think they will give me a good indicator of how healthy I am, and I how I feel during certain things. Hopefully, at the end of the month I will know where I am thriving and where I might need to make a change or two.

One of my favorite parts of the Examen Prayer is when you ask God for the light to see yourself as you truly are and as He sees you. So that's what I'm doing in this season, asking for the light to see myself as I truly am, in all aspects of my life.

Also, of you've noticed a lack of pictures, it's because my laptop broke (wah wah), so I'm working on replacing it/figuring out what I want to do for a computer. 

More Jesus, Less Stuff: Community

The month before SLS I was struggling with my relationship with Jesus. Like, really struggling. So I sat down to look at my life when I got back from SLS. What is different from last year? Where have I elbowed Jesus out? 

The first thing that struck me: I am not having intentional relationships and conversations that focus on Jesus. Stuff gets in the way and I am struggling to focus on the Lord's presence in my everyday living and friendships. 

Step 1 is awareness. Done. Step 2 is action. 

It's not that I have a lack of a Catholic community, it's that I have allowed myself to become lukewarm. When I hang out with friends, we talk about whatever or fill the space with media. If Jesus comes up, I've turned Him into an abstract idea, not a real person who is there with us. I noticed this at SLS when I was talking to a friend and I became uncomfortable talking about Jesus. Hmmm, that's a problem.

I was hanging out with Elizabeth when I got back from SLS and suddenly felt the strong need to gather some women around food to talk about Jesus. I almost didn't bring it up, but praise God for making me receptive to His nudge.

Me: "So, this is going to sound weird, but that quiche in the display case really made me want to get people together for brunch like once a month to talk about Jesus and have community."

Elizabeth: "Ah! I'm so glad you said that! I was just talking about that with Mary the other day about how that's something we really need in our lives!"

Bam. Responding to the promptings of The Spirit and being intentional.

We planned a brunch two days later and 4 other women showed up. Pretty good for last minute. We ate, we laughed, we got to know each other, and then we whipped out Flannery. 

Later, I was talking to Megan and she told me she was so grateful for the brunch. It is cool to see how it's already bearing fruit in our lives and how simply responding to a weird urge to bake quiche for my friends grew into a way to bring us all closer to Jesus. Intentional living. It's happening, man.

So to continue this theme of community, I'm writing some letters this week and taking a few days off to be with visiting friends. I'm looking for some other ways to be intentional about my friendships. What are some ways that you are intentional?! I'd love to hear in the comments!

More Jesus, Less Stuff: Intentional Living

Now that life has calmed down a bit, I have had the chance to start looking at this mantra and what it should be about. The more I think about it, the more I realize it's all about being intentional. Jesus isn't going to force his way into my heart and he's not going to push out the other stuff I have in there. No, He will wait patiently for me to make room. So I must be intentional in seeking Him. 

Phase one is about realizing this is all about intentional living, recognizing the parts of my life that Jesus is absent from, and making room for him in those places. Intentional living that stems from self-knowledge.

In Interior Castle, St. Teresa of Avila outlines one path to holiness and union with God. In this path she tells us that the first step to knowing God is self-knowledge. It is one of the foundations for holiness. If we do not know ourselves, we cannot know God.

So this week I'm trying to take a step back to look at my life and see where I can create more space for Jesus. I think I've started to identify a few areas. Where in your life can you create more space for Jesus? I'd love to hear in the comments!