7QT on Frozen, visiting friends, and the Broncos [14]

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The impromptu retreat I went on last weekend was really good, and really healing. I was able to reflect on my time in Denver so far and really acknowledge where I am at in my life. I am excited to work through this a little more, and add some goals about where I want to keep going.

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EMILY IS HERE! Schmem was my randomly assigned orientation roommate and we've been best friends ever since. She is 100% opposite of me, and I love how she balances me out.

Em and me our freshman year of college

I miss living with her everyday (we lived together 3 years in college), but I am excited for the change to be real life friends this weekend!

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Guys, I still haven't caught up on sleep since SLS. I can't seem to figure out how to get back on track in my sleep schedule. It's the worst. I'm hoping that after this weekend I can finally get back to normal.

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Last week I got creative and risky with my kindergarten religious education class. We learned about Moses and instead of our normal game, story, craft routine, we did interactive stations. It was really, really fun - one of the kids even yelled out in the middle of class, "this is so fun!" I think I'm really starting to get the hang of this teaching 5 year olds thing.

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I finally saw Frozen! It was just as good as all the hype made it out to be. SO many great things - Idina Menzel, the music, a hilarious talking snowman, and the beauty of sacrificial love. Disney really nailed it.

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Speaking of Frozen, Christina has been sending our team Frozen video clips, memes, and songs all week. I can finally look at them and listen to the videos. Here's my favorite image that she sent:

She's got mad facebook stalking and meme making skills.

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Sunday is Super Bowl Sunday! People are getting pretty excited around here for the Broncos and my man Petyon! My friend Brit posted an "Denverapolis Broncolts" shirt on Instagram and I want it so bad.

Image via.

I always get super intense anxiety when the Bronco's play the Colt's...being from Indianapolis, I love Petyon and the Colts, but now that I live in Denver, I still love Petyon and have quickly been converted to a Bronco's fan. I think this shirt would solve all my problems.

Let's go Broncos!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Sacrifice What Defines You.

Last week's challenge was to sacrifice what defines you. Initially my mind jumped to my positions on Panhellenic, but since I am no longer involved on campus I couldn't really sacrifice something I am not actively involved in. So I began to examen my daily life and tried to see what was constant each day that influenced the definition of who I am. Suddenly I knew what I had to give up. The mirror.

I thought this would be pretty easy as this is not something I typically struggle with. But it was incredibly challenging. I found myself extremely tempted to simply throw my hair into a pony tail and throw on my typical summer outfit (t-shirt & Nike shorts), but even that led me to being a tad self-conscious. Over the course of the week I slowly realized that though I don't consciously process it, I put a lot of stock into how I look. As a senior searching for a job, I generally have a way that I look and present myself on campus. I will never leave my apartment without looking in the mirror and it was a habit that was surprisingly hard to break. Though I realize my worth is not held in my looks and that I am still the same capable and intelligent woman whether I am dressed up and looking "cute" or not, I noticed how easy it is for me to relate how good my day will be with how I look. Why is it that when I am dressed up and "looking cute" I automatically feel better and think my day will be better? It is an interesting relationship between the two and I think it rings true for a lot of young women. 

What this past week reminded me of is this: no matter what I am wearing, no matter how I look, Christ is what defines me. I am a daughter of God and I am loved enough to die for.

I'm blogging from a bus.

This is for real. I'm currently on a MegaBus heading to Chicago for an interview weekend. Prayers that I may remain open to God's will & for clarity from the Holy Spirit would be very much appreciated.

This week has been filled with ups and downs, but mainly filled with a lot of anxiety about what is in store for the future. I found a lot of peace in Christ last weekend in Kansas City, but the devil is trying to attack that peace in so many different ways. I know I need to find and cling to peace, but it is getting harder and harder as I am unsure what God's plan is for me. There are so many different great options out there, but I want to pick what is truly going to be the best thing I can do for God. Last weekend one of the missionaries read a quote from Pope Benedict 16 that encouraged us to enthusiastically accept our missionary responsibility Christ has called us to and to accept it as the highest form of service we can do for Christ and His Church. I so greatly desire to accept my call from God without hesitation. It can just be hard to hear Him through the noise of this world. I'm very grateful in this moment that I don't have the ability to text or get on facebook so I can't be distracted by my peers plans for the future and what other people think I should do. There are still distractions and attempts to pull me away from Christ even without social media, so I'm trying hard to "pray without ceasing" and constantly return to that place where I truly desired nothing but Christ's will.

Last night at mass Father Joel gave a homily on what he calls "the scariest gospel." It is the story of the rich man who went to hell for his sins of omission. I know when judgement day comes along I will have to account for all of my sins, but what I am fearing most in this moment is having to explain to God why I didn't do things, why I didn't speak up when I should have, and why I failed to accept my missionary call. I pray that God grants me to courage to accept what He has in store for me so that from this moment on my life can be nothing but an ongoing "yes" to whatever it is that God wants. Even if that means an uncertain summer, lack of support and understanding from people I care about, and a change to my personal plans.

It's hard to admit these fears to myself, and even harder to post them for the world to see. But as Dana told me last weekend, simply naming the fears weakens their hold over. I refuse to let my fears be the reason for a decision about next year. So I am praying hard for God to give me courage to say yes to him, strength to stand by my decisions, and peace when making those decisions.

Sacrifice What Surrounds You.

This week, Relentless ACT:S of Sacrifice challenged us to sacrifice whats surrounds you. They challenged us to recreate the walls of our daily life, and to surround ourselves with things that inspire us to act on what we are passionate about.

I decided that this meant more than the walls of my room, so I changed my desktop background. The image on the screen of my computer is the one I see the most each day. Mary gave everything for God when she said, "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. Let it be done unto me according to Your Word." Mary inspires me to follow Christ and to have courage to follow His plan for my life.

What else surrounds me each day? The answer was obvious: what I wear. I ended up going through my closet and pulling out a lot of my clothes to donate to charity. I still have more than enough outfits to wear, but what purpose does a perfectly good shirt have if I am never going to wear it? These clothes can be loved by someone else, by someone who truly needs them.

Finally, I redecorated my room to sacrifice the walls of my every day life. I rearranged my furniture for a fresh start, I took down some of the cluttering posters and pictures, and added things that inspire me.

This week in my Bible Study, we talked about St. Gianna Molla.

"One cannot love without suffering,
or suffer without loving."
- St. Gianna Molla

Beautified by JPII in 1994, St. Gianna lived until the age of thirty-nine, beautifully balancing her roles as a surgen, mother, and wife. She died in 1962 when she refused to have an abortion and insisted the doctors save her unborn child's life over her own. St. Gianna chose to sacrifice her life for the love of her children. Her image and quote have gone on my wall to remind me that to love is to die to yourself and to sacrifice for those around you.

Mary's quote that changed the world and my consecration prayer are on my wall to remind me to strive to live like her each day.

I love this quote about sacrifice. Blessed Mother Theresa said this. I put it on my door to remind me of her great life of sacrifice.

On Thursday, I wrote about a song that makes me think. Once challenged and come to a realization, I don't want to forget what I have learned about life and myself. God has been showing me the importance and necessity of sacrifice. Having these words and images surround me will hopefully remind me to constantly give thanks to God for all He has given me, and inspire me to act for the good of others.

What does sacrifice mean to you?

Before I gave up facebook, I saw that my camp friend, Ben, was going to be doing "Relentless ACT:S of Sacrifice" for Lent. I thought I'd check out the website. I looked around for a bit and it seemed to be echoing my desire to simplify, and so I signed up.

Last week's challenge was to begin preparation for this journey by figuring out what you are willing to sacrifice and to figure out what exactly sacrifice means to you.

What I think sacrifice means is being willing to give things up with the intention of growing closer to Christ. I was able to hear Sr. Mary Alma talk about the vow of poverty and what that means to her and her community of the School Sisters of Christ the King. She told us that though the vow is acted out differently in other communities, the heart of poverty, the heart of sacrifice, is telling Christ, "You are enough for me." It is about freeing your heart from attachments to worldly things so your heart can be free for Christ and His will. ("For where your heart is, there your treasure will be also." - Luke 12:34/Matthew 6:21) If we become attached to things, our heart will be there. And then our treasure will be there as well. I don't want that. I think sacrifice is about dying to myself so I can put the desires of Christ and the needs of others before my own.

For me, sacrifice and love are becoming inseparable constructs. I think when you truly love someone you want to will their good above you own. That leads you to sacrifice your own desires if they conflict with the good of that person you love. When you love, you desire what that person desires. And sometimes that can lead you to sacrifice as well.

When I started I was willing to sacrifice my security in communication. I am coming to realize that I am willing to sacrifice whatever Christ is calling me to. I am excited to continue these challenges and I pray they will compliment my lenten sacrifice and challenge to simplify to Christ.

This is really hard.

Day six.

This is really hard. And this might sound dumb, but I am actually surprised at how big of a challenge this is. I took a big test Thursday morning and spent all of the last week studying for it. Abstaining from facebook and twitter was a little easier on Wednesday because I knew it was good for me.

I came home after my test and I realized I had nothing to do. I sat in my apartment for a little over an hour and I really just felt like I was wasting time. Which is silly because if I had access to facebook and twitter I would have been on those websites - actually wasting time. The absence of those websites has already shown me how much time I waste. I hope I can take that realization and learn to be comfortable with nothing going on.

After mass on Friday afternoon, Fr. Joel said what he thinks we all need to fast from is noise so we can make room for the silence and peace of the Lord. He is absolutely right. For some reason I've been inclined to keep the TV off (I'm running with it) and there's been a lot of quiet. I think it's good. I want to be able to open my heart to what God has to say to me. The silence has been a little uncomfortable, but I hope I will grow to appreciate it.

Because of this lack of facebook and texting I have now had really great conversations with two friends I normally would just facebook chat with. Tonight I had a particularly great conversation with my friend Ryan about the beauty of discernment and placing where we are at in God's hands. We talked about growth, sacrifice, and accepting God's plan for us. I only called him because of this fast and I'm so grateful for our conversation.

I also got to skype with my sister for two hours over the weekend.

It was great to really talk to her and hear all about Anchor Splash at SLU.

I really love conversation and connection and I am learning to truly put effort into my relationships. When we moved in high school I began to learn the lesson that you will keep in touch with those who matter to you. Here I am learning how to initiate that process in an intentional manner. I pray this season of lent will continue to bring blessings and conversations centered on Christ where I am able to be truly present.

Happy Catholic Awareness Day

Remember, you are dust, and to dust you shall return.

As I was walking to class this morning I ran into an AKPsi brother who I had no idea was Catholic. She said to me, "I'm glad to see you went to church this morning." I was glad she went too. I then became distressed that without twitter, I had no where to post the hilarious joke I made about today being Catholic Awareness Day. Thank goodness for blogger. It's only 4:00 and I've already noticed myself thinking in tweets with no where to put them. This is going to be an adventure.

I want to start out by disclaiming that I am not one of those people who thinks social media and other forms of instant communication has ruined everything. That is not why I'm doing this.

Two times in the Bible (Matthew 6:21 & Luke 12:34) Jesus says, "for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." It is phrased exactly the same in both gospels in the NIV translation. I'm no biblical expert, but I'm pretty sure this indicates the importance of the concept. I think treasure can manifest itself in many different ways. When I think of the things I invest most of my time and energy in, relationships and being connected to others is the winner by a landslide. Though this is not a bad thing, if at the end of my life I am more concerned with my friendships than with my relationship with Jesus, I will loose my life.

So for me, fasting from texting and social media is about four things:

1. Sacrifice - this is going to be hard. What am I supposed to do in my free time? You mean to tell me I should actually do my work instead of looking through facebook and pinterest? How am I going to stay in touch with my camp friends, with those people I don't have the luxury of seeing very often? I will miss out on communication between these friends and possibly even miss out on events around campus. And that's okay. It wouldn't be called sacrifice if it was easy. That being said, I also want to make it clear that in no way do I think my lenten sacrifice is more difficult or challenging or that it's better than yours. It is just what I think I need these next forty days to grow close to Christ.
2. Choosing to turn to God first - this sacrifice is about choosing God more frequently and first. When I'm tempted to get on facebook, or text someone I'm going to pray. I'm going to offer it up. 
3. Increased communication - not just increased traditional communication with my friends, but mainly increased communication with Christ. We know through history and the bible that God speaks to us in the silence of our hearts. I'm hoping by eliminating these "loud" forms of social media I will create silence and space in my heart to hear God speak.
4. Simplifying my life - I wrote earlier today that I feel so very called to simplify my life. I think this is just a first step. I will see where my increased prayer leads me.

I think that overall I want to simplify my life to make room for Christ. Right now, I think that means giving up social media and being connected to the world. So here's to hoping my eyes, ears, and heart will be opened through this process.

Lent 2012

Last year I gave up snacking, the year before I gave up facebook. This year I've been hearing a call to simplify my life. Though at first I didn't know what that meant, this morning I realized I should start where I spend most my time: facebook, twitter, pinterest, AND texting. Check back here to follow my journey as I share what I learn this lenten season.